Nuke

As I'm sure everybody knows, I have a kitty problem.  Strays just seem to find me.  A couple months ago, a stray cat showed up on my porch.  I'm a sucker, so I gave him food.  He decided that since I fed him, and gave him skritches, that now we're bestest buds.  Our friend who was staying with us at the time randomly decided to call him "canoe kitty," and it's stuck.  I thought it was lame, so I've been calling him "nuke" for short. 

Nuke chases other cats out of my yard, reducing my crazy cat lady tendencies, and brings me presents.  He's not a normal cat, so he doesn't bring me normal cat things, like dead mice and hairballs.  No, he's awesome, so he spends the days combing the neighborhood, and leaves me these:

Do you recognize those?  Ok, does this help?

That's right.  I've got a crazy cat that spends all day hunting for popsicle wrappers, and leaving them piled on my porch.  If I throw them away, more appear in their place.  If I kick them off the porch onto the lawn, a couple hours later, they're all stacked nicely in front of my door again. 

The only problem I have with Nuke is that I'm at capacity, and cannot take in another cat.  I have my 3 cats, plus the mama from the litter that I could never find a home for.  I cannot take in a 5th cat.  And I HATE the idea of outdoor cats, but I don't want to take him to the shelter, since I'm afraid they'll just put him down.  So I have this stray cat, who I'm pretending isn't my cat, but I'm feeding him, he's vaccinated, and on flea control, and who I absolutely adore.  So, uh, anybody who's short some popsicle wrappers want a cat?