Friday, May 4, 2012

Next week is going to suck.

We finished our very last class today (now we just have finals to worry about).  I managed to sleep through my alarm until 3 minutes before I was supposed to be to class.  Somehow, I was only 7 minutes late.  

After class, those of us who are doing that spay study met up to watch an ovariectomy.

I left after the spay, to find a message on my phone from my mom.  My grandma's been going downhill for awhile, and today she's been non-responsive, her BP's non-measurable, and her breathing's really shallow.  So I've been trying to brace myself for the inevitable, while simultaneously trying to just focus on school.  It's really hard to study for finals when the computer screen is too blurry through tears to be able to read.  I got to see her over spring break, before she really started to decompensate, and I've gotten to speak with her on the phone a few times in the past couple weeks.  So no regrets there.  Just that she's always been one of my absolutely favorite people in the world, and I am in no way prepared to lose her.  I'm also pretty angry about how her medical care the past few months has gone, because human medicine really fails at end-of-life care.  She's been in hospice for the past few weeks, but I really think that vet med offers its patients more dignity than we offer our elderly.  So I'm in this weird place, where I'm kind of relieved she's passing, because it's an end to suffering, but I'm feeling really selfishly sad for myself.  It's going to be a rough week.

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